“My God! You sure have gotten fat! You had better start dieting. Your figure is disgusting”
What the hell was that! It definitely ruined my day and made me angry. How dare she! Especially since I weigh less now then I did when I saw here last. I know that I have gained about 10 pounds recently (with returning to school – I find my eating schedule off kilter and without having someone to cook for –besides the kids- I tend to eat junk) but still. Who the hell says that to their child? It still is bugging me – and it is Monday.
Bear tell me to just let it go because he thinks I am beautiful as I am but I don’t want to let it go. I don’t want to consider my mother’s harsh words motivation either… I am not unhappy in my skin (though I do want to get rid of the last 10 pounds that I put on and get back to my standard weight). It is just insane. Now there is part of me that wants to ‘show her’ and part of me that wants to ‘ignore her.’ It is frustrating to decide which one to go with. I know that I should lose more but when you are not truly unhappy with how you look it is hard to stick to a ‘diet plan’ or even a thought pattern on how to eat.
Damn it.
Almost makes me wish I was depressed or something – just enough to affect my eating pattern. I went to the store yesterday and bought groceries and planned out what to eat. I was good…until about 2pm today when I suppose I should have had something low-carb here to munch on but instead went to the vending machine and got a Reese’s Peanut Butter cup packet. Wow! What willpower! What great strength! What a loser.