This has been an awful week for me and I am glad that it is drawing to a close though it is drawing closer to something that I fear. First of all I have been really sick with some pains in unpleasant places and for the now, they seem okay but this is also my last day on meds so we shall see. I am worried about it being something more serious but I can not get into the specialist until the send of September.
The real reason that this is a bad week is that in two days will be the one year anniversary of the worst day in my life and truthfully it freaks me out. I have not been sleeping well and in a panic one night of being left home alone I called TBND to come over and stay with me. I know that this is a sign that maybe I need to �talk� about the fire more but truthfully I don�t want to � but I wish that I would quit crying everything I thought about it.
I have decided to think of the fire as a positive sign � just follow me here. J and I have a bad marriage � all sorts of terrible things happened. We were always broke and things kept going wrong. The only good thing that happened was that I had Skeeter and truth be told even he is a brat! I have started to realize that maybe it wasn�t that bad things kept happening but that they were signs along the way to let me know that this was not the right match for me or us. I think that I have realized that due to my relationship with TBND � I keep waiting for the disaster that fails to happen. Things just keep going good and I am happy and I am starting to believe that this is how life is supposed to be.
So maybe the fire was my wake up call.
I filed my divorce today � and grand total of 182 dollars and in a couple of months I will be divorced at age 25. It wasn�t even emotional to me. I was just filing paperwork. I also changed my name back and got a new drivers� license ( I had forgotten to change it after the fire � but no more semi-toasted picture for me)
I am also back in school full time and truly it is great. It is almost like a dream some times until the homework hits but I like my classes so far and I think that I am doing the right thing. True it is hard � especially since I do have a job also (though it is not a hard just � just takes up some time � I do need money you know.) I have a new computer and some nicer things around the place and an almost calm atmosphere to study in. I have insurance for my car, apartment, health and life.
I think I have finally become a responsible adult.
Also I have TBND. My love for him is different that anything else that I have had before. He challenges me yet he is also there for me completely in my times of weakness. It keeps things exciting and comfortable at the same time. I never realized it could be like this. I finally think that I understand love a lot more that I did before.
So � one year later (if I can survive past the fifth�. I just wish I could sleep) my life is completely different. I am divorcing my husband of two years. I quit a stable and well paying job to pursue a degree in a completely different field. I am in love with a wonderful man who I try my hardest to make happy and he does the same. My kids are growing faster every day and becoming normal people.
I want to thank my friends; especially Dreamspeaker, Stryck and Skink for being with me for all of this from beginning to now�. There are no words to truly thank you for everything you have done for me. You are the best friends that I could ever imagine existing.
I also want to thank TBND for being him and for wanting this odd thing called �us� to work better than anything that we had even done before. I adore you more each day.
So� I wonder�.. what will next year be?