2003-09-18 - 10:09 a.m.
My inner child is six years old!
Look what I can do! I can walk, I can run, I can
read! I like to do stuff, and there's a whole
big world out there to do it in. Just so long
as I can take my blankie and my Mommy and my
three best friends with me, of course.
How Old is Your Inner Child?
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I woke up angry today. But first let me explain the last few days. I have been incredibly sick and it has sucked royally. I was having fever and chills plus muscle aches and headaches and even more things than that. I finally went to the doctor after wandering around to class like a lunatic for two days. Day-quil stopped working and finally I had to submit to the sick and take a day off. No matter that it was the busiest day of the week for me � I had to do it. (plus if I had not done it volunterily, I am pretty sure that TBND would have made me). I rested and yes, today I am feeling a little better.
Last night was not good though. I started to realize how far behind I was in my classes and that I have some exams coming up that are going to be hard. I started to realize that I am in over my head right now and I am not sure how to get out. I do not have a lot of free time to spend tracking down teachers and TA�s for help�it is just not possible. I have not made any friends in my classes and so I do not have anyone to contact for problems. I will admit that maybe this was not the best idea for me to pursue� TBND sure think that I am wrong in saying that and does not want me to quit even though I am not sure I can pull it off. I ended up feeling a little better at the end of the night � or maybe it was just exhaustion from crying so much.
I woke up angry this morning and I think that I confused TBND by not having some precise reason as to why I was angry. Sometimes emotions just happen and I just go with them. I have a lot of things frustrating me right now and I am not always ready on the stop to list them or get into them. I try not to get angry but lately I feel like I am on my nerve�s ends. Maybe it is just me�.
Here is my list-of-doom:
1) I am angry that I got sick
2) I am angry that I can�t seem to get anything done on time.
3) I am angry that I get frustrated with PJ when he refuses to do something I know he can do on his own
4) I am upset that I have to do more paperwork for my divorce than James
5) I am mad that I am the one paying for and doing everything to free my life from his.
6) I am mad because I spent too much money in the first part of the semester and now things are going to be tight till mid-January. Stupid me!
7) I am worried that my apartment will not renew my lease.
8) I am worried that all these financial statements I am preparing for court (divorce and child support) are going to look bad due to the fact I live on financial aid now.
9) I am angry that I have to get up even when I feel like crap and get the kids dressed and to school yet their fathers get to have lives and just visit their kids.
10) I want to have a night home alone with TBND where I am not worried about the sounds the children are making in the next room and not get woken up the next morning by the sound of one child crying.
11) I am angry that I feel this way about my kids sometimes because I do not want them taken away from me.
I guess I just feel a mix of things and I am sorry that I am angry. TBND � I did not mean to lash out at you�. I am sorry.
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