I have decided that this is a two part deal. There are actually two factors to 'get over' and I have only accomplished one and I do not think that I have failed. The more that I am getting to really know him the more that I am keanly aware that my time with him is rapidly running out. I will soon be unable to touch him in the ways that haunt my dreams. I will not feel the heavyness of his body on mine - in the one way that makes me dizzy with desire. That I have to still get over.
The part I have gotten over - its the fact that I can not run away with him and belong only to him. That is not possible at this time... or maybe any other time though I will always keep a tiny flame of hope alive in my heart. I have my responsibilities now - and that will not change for a while. Maybe he might wait - though I will not ever think to expect it. Or maybe just things will work out somehow in the end.
The thing that I will not get over is the real part of him. I am in love with him (though now, it is a livable love... one that I do treasure so much.) I will not get over wanting him to touch me when we are close together. I will not get over the taste of him in my mouth or how he kisses me so deeply. I will never want to be so far apart from him that I forget how he made me feet.
I know that he will think me overly crazy.... but I still feel that he is my counter-balance. I hate the word soul mate - sounds too cheesy... he is the counterforce to my own. And though I take that to be a powerful thing - it is not something that has to reside in the realm of sex.
But the more that I learn of him and his desire and possible attractions that he may have... I want to be the one that he explores then with. And though I can find no error in our dualistic relationship - I can see his point and his feelings and I must respect that.
In another time in my life - it was my duty to respect the desires of another. Maybe comfort in that part of me will hold me safe.
I will miss him so much after these three weeks are up. I will still have him but I will lose the closeness that keep me feeling whole. The smell of his skin and the way his eyes look when he is loving me are forever burned into my memories.
I know that he said 'never again' and I realize that I made him swear to it. But I will forever wait for him to return to be and possible desire me again as a lover.
Far fetched and all... but that is what dream are made of. He makes me feel like a complete person and though I know that I should turn to another for that... I want it from him. I am not trying to be so girly on this and be like... posessive. But who know what the future may bring.
Now I am just being repetative.
This has been written by me over and over again. I know that he know how I feel and I know that things will change no matter how much I write or I plead or I ...
I will always wait for you - I don't care if it is futile. This is not obsessive and this is not desperate. This is how I am and the connection I have to you. Just consider this the only promise I will make ... along with my eternal friendship.
Though I have tried hard not to say it of late. I love you and good night.