Hmm... No rant today. I could come up with one but how many times do I want to talk about the same reoccurring problem... Not that much actually. It almost bugs me that it is my only rant of late. I refuse to comment on the war and Iraq. I have family there now and my opinions mean nothing on this matter - I just want them to come home. No, I still don't want to talk about the war.
What I want to talk about are friendships.
My group of friends is in a bit on a predicament and though I would love to be able to just step in and solve it... I can not. There are a lot of sides and issues and it is really complicated and I think, has left people with their feelings hurt. I guess that it may be to early for me to comment on this actual situation because I do not want to make things worse.
What I want to talk about is how I view friendship. I have three categories of friends but for sake of sanity and keeping the peace I am not naming any names.
1) People I Know - these are people whose names I know and we share some similar interest. I would ask them to hang out if time permitted but I would not ask for favors or anything out of the ordinary. These are the people that come and go in ones life and maybe you miss them and maybe not. I have a few PIK that have just faded away and it took me a while to realize they were gone.
2) Friends - these are the people I know a lot about and hang out with often. We share a lot of interests and can actually talk and share things. There are some in the group that will progress on to stage three but some will forever stay here. These people would be actively missed if they went away. They are my 'gang' and these Friends are the people that define me. I will go out of my way for these people and only rarely expect them to do the same for me.
3) Strong Friends (Best Friends) - Personally I think it is sad that people think they can only have one best friend. I have three that I would consider of this rank- two girls and one boy. They know more about me than anyone else - even more than my husband knows. They are the people I feel that I can ask anything of and I would be willing to do anything that they asked of me... And by that I mean anything. We have shared our lives down to the scary details and have become closer because of it. If I lost one of these people my life would never be the same and it would be hard for me to handle. They are my support system and the people I love most in this world (excluding of course my hubby, kids and some family members - I consider my Boston friends to be my family)
I think that all friendships need to cycle and regain their composure every once and a while. Transition phases are necessary even though they might not be well received. I have moved away from my friends in the past and have felt the strain of our relationship. I always feared that when I returned things would be different and that I would be left out. I never was though sometimes it took a lot of time and effort to bring things back to where their would
In the past, I have offended some of my friends and I have also not lived up to some of their expectations (whether personally or morally)- this has changed some relationships and have left others unaffected. I wish I could give some of them more time but I can not and there are others I wish to see less often but that will not change also. I feel that a friendship is a contract that one can not just end without talking to the other person involved. There is no break and run.
I hope that the problem and feeling that have arisen in our social group will soon pass and all will be well - probably different but still okay. There are expectations that each member has for every other members and I think that some of that has to be shifted. I hope that no one ducks out or resorts to playing mean and I hope that everyone realizes that sometimes to be a friend one has to compromise some part of ones life or self.
I am not trying to preach... This is just me and my feelings.
:-)
Love you all,
-Tech