I was really busy this past weekend and therefore - no updating. I know, I promised. I worked out three days and let me tell you I am still finding new muscles in my body that I never knew existed. I have a goal of losing about 40 lbs and it is going to be a journey to say the least. I just don't want to become crazy about it. I want to do this but not in a way that is not enjoyable. But geez .. How did I get so out of shape?
I guess that I am not really in the mood to talk about a lot of things right now. I seem to have fallen on a patch of solid ground for the first time in a long time and I am quite content to stay there awhile. Maybe it is in naivety that I have found security but I will take it none the same.
I feel pretty good right now and I think I can handle that.
On the other hand though...
I talked to my mother last night - and I don't feel like talking about it. She bums me out.
But I do not feel like gracing my diary with her presence...so no talk on that.
I am not going home for Easter this year. This is only the third time in my life that I have not been home for a Major holiday. I missed the Thanksgiving before Jon was born because my mother asked me NOT to come home. I missed Christmas after Mike was born and now this one. It feels weird to not go home - but this will be a lot less stressful. My parents are upset though because since I am not going home - my brother is not either. Oh well, he is old enough to choose for himself. He is 29 years old.
I was thinking last night about old friends. I don't have many people that I miss in my life (in the sense that they were friends and now are gone.) It is just not my style. I try not to connect to people for a long time and then I do not miss them when they are gone. I have two actually friends (that lasted) from high school... And that was enough for me. I have a few college friends that I miss - and I do not even remember why we are not hanging out anymore.
One of these is Cory and Julie. I don't remember what happened and it makes me feel kinda stupid. I always got along great with them (I think - though I was not around THAT much) - then something changed. This was at a time in my life that I was not the "best of persons" but I can't think of any dastardly deed that I committed. They are just gone. Maybe someone else remembers... Dreamspeaker? Stryck?
Friends are weird that way. I have always expected people to judge me. And trust me, there is a lot about me that could be judged. But my core group of friends has been there for me through everything...though only in the last few years have they been vocal enough to let me know when I am being stupid. I trust them and their opinions. I would have to say that I am closer to my friends then to my parents, my brother and even my husband. I do not think of my husband as my friend too - it just isn't that way. I am not sure if that is okay.
I feel that my friends have been more forgiving of my actions and beliefs than anyone else in my life (now is where I hear my mother's voice saying, "of course they are - they don't have to love you like I do - so they are willing to not care about your mistakes" - I hate her) I am thankful for them. I know that this is Easter coming up but hey - it can be a time of thankfulness too. I feel that they truly know me - and I have come to that conclusion because nothing I do anymore shocks them.. NOTHING! :-) I like it that way...makes me feel comfortable and at home.
I talk about my friends a lot - I guess. But to me they are more my family then most of my family is. That is important. I also would rather talk about positive things then talk about my mother. I am really thrilled that some people are coming over to spend a holiday with us... It means a lot to me.
Well ... Babbling get you nowhere and that is where this entry is going I think so I will end it here.