It was hard to have J move out this weekend � not because I would miss him but because he was being so horrible. It made me feel ill for three long days and even my boy could not get me to calm down sometimes. I did some things unto myself though � I let him get to me. I should know by now to expect nothing from him. I even had to pack up his stuff. I let him ruin my Sunday and my whole weekend.
I was terrible to TBND all weekend because I was so hysteric. I feel bad that I was in such a poor state and refused to cheer up when he asked me to. I should have been able to realize that this, even though it was hard, was still the best option and will lead me to a happier state. It was just hard for me because when I got married I never thought that within two years I would be divorced. This was not planned for at all.
I went out to dinner last night with my best friend and her boyfriend. I must say that it was one of the more enjoyable evenings I could remember. I was very pleased to have TBND with me and to see the fact that he was able to fit so well with my friends. That was some thing sorely missed with J � and now I see even more how it was wrong.
I have decided to give in. To let go the feelings that something bad is going to happen now that I am happy � if it does then I will just deal with it with him and my friends at my side. I will lean on him and use him as my strength because he so freely gives me such support. I will not argue with him when he tells me that he loves me, misses me and wants to be with me for the long term. I will let myself take it slow and enjoy this part of love � the wonderful world of dating someone. I will miss him when he is not there with me but truly understand that sometime he needs to be at his own place for the night.
This is all new to me from this point on�. I know that I can handle it and it will all work out in the end.