On my end, things are not so bad. I am a little worried about a few of my friends but I am not sure what to do about it. My days of being able to fix everyone�s problems seem to be over and some days I go to far trying to �save the day.� I can�t help it � this is another one of those things that my mother has put into me (not on purpose) but I am stuck trying to live up to. See, no matter what I did in all of middle school and high school and even life has never pleased my mother. I lettered 10 times in High School. I did great in music competitions. I was on the State Championship golf team. But I never was able to make her happy or even slightly proud of me. She never told me that. So still to this day, I try so hard to make others happy that if I can not achieve for them every thing that they want and that I can �make happen�, I feel as though I have failed� failed completely.
This happened recently with Dream�s computer. I am so sorry that we could not fix it� and that I was not able to get her a great machine to use in the meantime. Makes me wish I was wealthy too�
Money sucks. I have to go to the school and ask for a short-term-loan on my financial aid tomorrow. I am not looking fwd to this but as is� I am going to be $200 short for rent come December 1st. TBND has been helping me out a lot � which is really more than I can expect being that he does not even work anymore. He is barely making his bills at his other apartment and giving me money for food and stuff around here. I just underestimated things � with the kids; winter clothes, shoes, diapers, food, etc. I also underestimated the heating bills and the DSL and now even my cell phone � my last bill was really high due to roaming because I tend to call people when I drop Jon off with Chuck.
It is hard because I already work so much and still I can not make more money. I am screwed until mid-January. Then I already have some people I already owe money too. I am just stuck. I had to put a battery in my car this month too� $80. I even sold some of my books already so I could afford to park and go to class for this week. My child-support is now delayed from J because it has to go though the state and I have yet to pay off last month�s daycare bill of $310 and this month�s of $248. I am so screwed.
I hate to rant like this but I am scared of how I am going to get to January at this rate. I am thinking of donating plasma this month but even if I go as much as possible in the next few weeks I can only make $80. And it will hurt. A lot. Damn it. I have already sold my CD and books and anything else I could. I just lost too much money at the start of the semester and when ever I had to miss work. Divorce. Bills. Crap.
I am sorry. I will stop this. I just feel so screwed right now.
But I will leave you all with this. This is a list that TBND emailed me a long time ago but I think that it is something to think about�
Lessons learned:
1. People are either mean drunks or happy drunks (try dating one and you know what I mean)
2. Never start a fight just to have something to talk about (I hated her when she told me that)
3. Offer comfort, compassion, and kindness (it will usually be repaid)
4. Do somethings that the others like (even if you find it boring, you can enjoy watching your other having fun)
5. Random acts of love can really make your others day truelly special (i.e. flowers for no reason, but the other can be just as great)
6. Don't let your other walk all over you (a balanced realtionship is a healthy relationship)
7. Hugs are a wonderfull gift (and you never have to worry about re-gifting that one)
8. Enjoy each others company (if you can't it was never ment to be)
9. Look for things you both have in common and then spoil yourselves rotten with them
10. A realtionship is never static, there is always something you can do to make it better
11. Never take your realtionship for granted because you'll never really appreciate somthing until it is gone.
12. Try not to tease each other too much (because you'll never know when someone is sensitive about something until it is too late)
13. Give your relationsihp time (be carefull of going too fast or too slow)
14. Don't let the other always lead (you too have to be in charge sometimes)
15. Remember dates that are important to you both (though sometimes hard to do :)
16. Make time for each other and time for yourself (a good recharge is a great thing)
17. Let your other have a hobby even if you don't enjoy it ;) (though it is great if you do)
18. Spontinety is wonderfulll but carefull planning can make it even better (suprise works great too)
19. Don't lose track of friends (or you'll always regret it later)
20. Family is who you chose them to be, but remember this works in the other direction too (they only want you to be happy and healthy)